I hope this entertains you in the mean time. It is a collection of some of my favorite quotes from friends, myself, and others that I really like. Though, because my friends may not wish to admit they fraternize with me, I'll only identify them by initials.
"After the punch line, you need to shut up." ~Old Gubaran proverb. "YOU LIKE IT CEITAINLY WE BLESS YOUR HEALTH THE STYLE IS NUMEROUS!" ~Actual text from the packaging for a toy bazooka. Bad grammar and spelling as well. "What is a rafe?" ~J.C. (No, that's not "Jesus Christ," although God is a friend of mine, He knows what a "rafe" is.) "Well it's entertaining writing, and someone got pudding on this." ~M.B. "We will discuss it. End of discussion!" ~M.A.B. "Have people always been stupid or is it a recent development?" ~Danae from "Non Sequitur" "Give me a fly swatter and I'll show you how much of a teddy bear I am!" ~C.R. Also (not) Known As: "Teddy Bear" "The jokes in life are funnier than the tragedies are sad." ~Anonymous "You know, its really too bad you are a guy, you would make a great girl." ~K.M.V.K. (A girl said this to me.) "He's like my girlfriend, except he's not gay." ~L.J.S. (Again... a girl said this about me. I'm beginning to see a pattern... But, she's correct, I am not gay.) "Aaaaugh! I broke the Bible!" ~ M.A.B. Me: "I call it art." M.A.B.: "I call it a bent straw." "Remember... [long pause] ...I forgot." ~My Mother "Let's start over, and I won't blonde this one up." ~T.O. "If you read that E-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." ~Alice from "Dilbert" "Would you mind not standing on my chest? My hat's on fire." ~Doctor Who (Tom Baker) "Stupidity has a knack of getting its way." ~Albert Camus "Cleverness and stupidity go together." ~Ovambo proverb "You have issues, dahling, ok?" ~P.B. "Don't worry, stupidity produces antibodies." ~Susie from "Calvin and Hobbes" "Which way is straight for me?" ~Me. "A folk song is a living organism; it is ever changing." ~Charles Hoffer "The saying 'I think therefore I am' is not necessarily reversible." ~Me. (Aren't I wise?) "Raphael is always right." ~K.V. “When in doubt, kill cute things.” ~Stephen Pastis "Of all the people in the world... you are one of them." "The greatest thing about America is that we are not judged by what we are, but by who we can schmooze." ~Aubry Anne Carechild "I can only be nice to people for so long. It's like a countdown clock. Some people's time is longer than others. Some people never had any time at all. I'm grateful to have friends that stuck around even after their nice time was up." ~M.R. (Seriously, one of my favorite quotes ever.) "Sometimes the chai tea flows through your blood stream and makes you giddy enough not to care about grammer or spelling!" ~K.V. "Rafe's just gonna make a shitty comment, ignore him." ~J.J.B. "Penguins are the highest form of comedy." ~An old Gubaran proverb. "Swine, ceramic sentinel, Guard the golden disc!" ~Dwight Erthenwall "Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." "A well developed sense of humor is the freezer that adds balance to a penguin's steps as it waddles the iceberg of life." ~L.H. "Hunt for ways of adding the twist of funny." "The best friends you could ever surround yourself with are the type of friends who would murder your enemies with a rusty spoon just to see you smile." ~S.P. "Hey, what do you think of Pavlov's theory that the Pope is Catholic?" ~Bucky Katt from "Get Fuzzy" "No shame. No mercy. No glory." ~P.B. "My eyes were vomiting." ~M.A.B. (Discussing "Transformers 2." Apparently she didn't like it...) "Explosions are cooler than kites. Word." ~M.A.B. "A true genius will spread the genius' work so that the lesser can know as well." ~S.P. "Dude, if stealing a stick of gum will keep me out of Hell, I'm gonna go rob Wrigley's" ~M.K.V.K. "If you were coming at me with a weed whacker I'd be scared." ~M.B. (Even in context, that was a weird one...) "If you need instructions on how to wash your hands, Maybe you shouldn’t have a job." ~KJ52 "Lost is just like Gilligan's Island... only trippier... and on steroids." ~Me... I have the right to quote myself. Anyway... I hope you enjoyed at least SOME of those. I know I did. I tried to take out the ones that are only funny to me because they recall a funny memory. Still... I'll try to post again this month, and hopefully I'll have that crossword puzzle up soon. For now, Ciao! And, as always, go do some evil. ~Rafe |
