The Promised "Fashion" Blog

I'm a geek. Geeks, traditionally, suffer from an extreme lack of fashion sense. So what am I supposed to say about fashion?


Whatever I want to. Just because I'm a card-carrying Geek (President and co-founder of GAEK--"Geeks And Enthusiastic Kindred") doesn't mean I'm always wrong... just "unconventional." I like to think of myself as "eccentric" ... it sure beats the hell out of "nut-butter crazy."


So what's new in fashion? Well, to really know what's "new" we have to know what's old.

We've gone from wearing animals to wearing cotton and synthetic fabrics... not sure how. (I'm not a fashion historian.)

How did we DO that?

 Then, apparently, some of us (one of us) decided to devolve, and went back to wearing animals...


But this time... their Flesh!

Okay, in all honesty, can we really call Lady Gaga "one of us"? I mean--don't get me wrong--I love her music and her eccentricities, but she's kind of... a freak? Is that appropriate? o.O


I  don't know... but somehow when she went back to animals she forgot that we ONLY WEAR THE SKIN!


It reminds me of that Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson in which a caveman is advertising his new invention to his carcass-clad brethren by telling them (something like) "with this new knife you only have to wear the SKIN of that animal!"


I couldn't find the comic... otherwise I'd post it... or at least quote it correctly. But you get the idea, don't you?


Well too bad! >:O
We're moving on. -_-


Let me introduce you to my alter ego: Ralphe le Fashion le Man! ^{*("Ralphe" is pronounced just like "Rafe" but spelled much more fashion-ishly.)}


~Both in Doodle and in Photo~

You can tell by my purple shirt, red bow tie, suspenders, slacks and white socks with black sneakers (the last two of which you can't see in this picture) that I AM the greatest fashion expert on this side of the Nile... or the Rockies... whichever.

As the Doctor says, "bow ties are cool."


(You know you're right when you get your fashion lines from a sci-fi show.)


Where was I?

Oh, yeah... I was going to disregard not being a fashion historian and tell you about the history of fashion.


Well... in the beginning we were all red-faced and nudists.

Soon, however, the social burden of always standing behind an appropriately placed plant became too much, and someone invented portable plants.

Then (finally!) someone had the great idea of slaughtering animals to clothe ourselves.


PETA was still a long way off...

And that's where we're skipping ahead a few thousand years to get past all the freaky weird fashions of Revolutionary France and stuff et cetera.


On the SDA Facebook page I asked my followers to give me pictures of "outrageous fashion." As usual, only Satchel responded.

:\

The rest of you have failed me. You deserve to be disciplined!


"I should discipline you! Five times a day! With bricks! Uh-huh... in a pillowcase." -_-

^You get bonus points if you know what I'm quasi-quoting there. ;)


Anyway... let's take a look at some of Satchel's photographs.


...okay let's just look at ONE of Satchel's photographs:

"I'm the law around these parts..."

This picture is Satchel and her husband, Sheriff Woody. This IS how they dress everyday!


...I wish...


Wouldn't it be fun if more people forsook modern fashion, and took a trip to the waybackwhen when we all wore DIFFERENT fashions?

Don't worry... I don't mean anything crazy like the 80's or anything! Just like... 1864...


Okay, so that's just my fantasy.


Whatever.


Let's ask ourselves a question now: What makes fashion good? What makes fashion bad? What makes fashion fashionable and what makes the unfashionable unfashioned? Are there unfashionistas out there to let us know? (Do we just call them "geeks"?) Are you an unfashionista? Or a fascist? A fattist? (someone who is prejudiced and discriminates based on body fat ratios...)




Fattism at work... :(

 All right... I'm just going to admit it. I really don't have anything to say about fashion.


:\

You should still hang on my every word though... because that's FUN!


...or so I hear...


Whatever. You can all blame Indiana for this travesty of a post... she made me do it about fashion. :('

Oh well...


Ciao for now.


And Happy Birthday to Doctor Who--quite possibly the greatest fashion icon of... somewhere... somewhen... who knows... (DW was first aired on November 23rd, 1963... it is 48 years old today.)

 Just go do some evil.


~Rafe

In which I Run with Scissors to Save Behemoth from Shorts

Did the title pique your interest? (I almost put "peak your interest" which, I suppose, could have made sense if I was asking if the heighth of your interest was reached when reading the title of this post. But I wasn't... so that would have been wrong.)

Where was I?

Oh yeah!

I was running with scissors to save Behemoth from shorts.

But I'm not there yet... First I have to explain something.

Behemoth and I are brothers. He's the cool one.

Behemoth, aka "the cool one."

In fact, if I may be honest, sometimes I hate am annoyed by Behemoth. He's my "little" brother, he's supposed to be LITTLER than me... not three times my size.

How am I supposed to teach my brother anything if I can't beat him up when he makes a mistake?

Answer: I don't. I stay the hell out of his way, is what I do.

But, we're friends. Despite my never being able to teach him anything via the route of physical abuse, we have been endeared to each other in many ways.

One of the events that resulted in our close, brotherly kinship that neither of us is quite willing to call "love" I will endeavor to relate to you here.

It is an episode of our mutual lives that I like to call:

In which I Run with Scissors to Save Behemoth from Shorts

But you knew that already.

Well, you should know that, despite Behemoth being the "cool" one, as youngsters neither of us kept up with the most recent fashion trends. Actually, whenever possible, we would use last year's clothes!!!!

Okay, yeah, I still do that.

So what?

I'mma geek, I can if I want. -_-

Moving on... One spring day we were hauling out last summer's clothes to see what still fit and what was garbajo. (That's pronounced Garr-Bay-Hoe... my word for "garbage" ... and it has nothing to do with Jorge Garbajosa, who I didn't even know existed until I did a google on "garbajo" to make sure it wasn't slang for something horrible like baby-panda-slapping or anything like that that has no place in my blog.)

It wasn't long before Behemoth found himself by a tub of clothes, looking for anything he could salvage.

Behemoth and the Clothes, happy together in the living room.

As he dug through the box/tub thingamajig, he found a pair of shorts.

"I remember these!" He said, "I wore these every day last summer!"

The saddest part about his exclamation is that (at that time he was VERY young) he may very well have wore them every single day last summer. :\ Either that or the fact that he was surprised he remembered a garment from a mere nine months ago. How bad WAS his memory?

Sorry... I'm digressing again...

The important thing is that Behemoth found his shorts.

He danced off to the bathroom to try them on, and see if they still fit.

Okay, I lie. He didn't "dance" off to the bathroom. Even then he was too cool to "dance off to the bathroom."

I think it's one of the immutable laws of nature that no one can simultaneously be cool and "dance off to the bathroom." Though, one can be a geek and "skip to their loo," which I do on a fairly frequent basis.

Anyway. I continued searching for good clothes.

Wow! I LOVE these things!

After a decent amount of time, I forgot about Behemoth, and didn't realize that he had never come back from the bathroom.

Non-returnance (it's a neology, run with it) from the bathroom bodes only for evil.

Shortly thereafter I heard a small voice from the direction of the lavatory.

"Rafe... hey, Rafe!"

"Yeah?" I answered.

"You remember those shorts?"

"Yeah."

"Well..." He paused. He gulped, "Well, I got them On."

I blinked a couple of times.

"You don't know how sorry I am for you right now."

Talk about TIGHTY whities... only the shorts weren't white... but you get the idea.

"Rafe, can you get me scissors or something, I just gotta get these off."

"Yes! I shall assist ye, my too big little brother!"

I darted off. I got scissors. I darted back.

Remarkably, Jamaal was there.

"Um, Rafe... what are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm running with scissors to save behemoth from his shorts!" I shouted.

"What?" She took a sip of her soda.


*Sigh* I sighed. I quickly explained the horrible situation in which Behemoth had found himself.


"Okay," She looked concerned, "Just make sure he's careful what he cuts..."


"Oh, yeah..."

I think we suddenly shared a mutual horrible thought.

Our horrible thought.

Thankfully, for everyone involved, he did NOT cut anything important.

The shorts became garbajo, Behemoth became a big, cool, deep-voiced man, and all the girls love him. (I'm actually kind of jealous...)

Anywho... that's... that.

Go do some evil!

Ciao!

~Rafe