I Scared Her ^_^ It Was Fun - plus whatever I ramble on about...

I scared a woman at Target the other day. (No, not THAT day... the other day.)


'Cause I'm creepy like that. >:)


I'll bet you're wondering what happened?


So is Queenie... I told her about it, but not really. I told her that I scared someone, and that she would have to read my blog to find out more. -_- I love to tease.


Okay, so let me see if I can tell it funnily.


First of all, I was out with Queenie and Mom-Lady doing some last minute Christmas shopping. (It was the 23^rd day of our favorite month with Christmas in it.) That's approximately two days before our favorite day with Christmas on it.


Yay, Christmas!

Festive, isn't it?

Ah... don't you love it when bloggers begin a post BEFORE Christmas, and then don't go trying to finish it until almost three weeks later? Me too.

Yay laziness!

Okay, back to my story.

I was Christmas shopping at Target. 

Whilst I was engaged in this activity, I was wearing a very special shirt. Let me explain...

I have back problems. I hunch, and have a bit of scoliosis. (Scoliosis is like deadly back breakage, only less so... it's actually more like a curvy spine... my spine's not straight... no, it's not gay either. Sheesh.) Because of this I sometimes wear an uncomfortable, white shirt under my comfortable, non-white shirt. The uncomfortable, white shirt is very tight, and pulls on my shoulders, and rides up in my armpits. It's supposed to help me stand up straighter. (Leave to doctors to find a way to make uncomfortable underwear "healing.")

Meanwhile, back in the story I'm telling, I was looking at hats. I showed a particularly cool cat to Queenie. She said I looked creepy. (Not sure if that was intended as a compliment or an insult...)

Then Queenie left.

I walked to the edge of the hat aisle, and stood, staring off into space with my face pointed in the general direction of the people walking by in the main aisle. I wasn't going anywhere, because I was busy trying to pull my uncomfortable, white shirt out of my armpits a bit. (Of course, I was doing it so no one would notice... 'cause I'm smooth like that.)

As I was doing this a pretty young lady walked by. I saw her, she saw me. I saw her see me, and she saw me see her. I saw her see me see her, and she saw me see her see me. I saw... etc. ad infinitum.

I didn't really take note of her.

BUT (and this is an important "but") she must have taken note of me. (Keep in mind, I am ravishingly good looking... women can't help but notice me... remember the She-Cop?) Also, I finished suavely picking my pits just as she walked past me. So I stepped out into the main aisle, and proceeded to look for where Queenie went.

Coincidentally, I had stepped out into the main aisle with the pretty young lady just about ten paces ahead of me.


So, to recap, here's the situation:
I look creepy (according to Queenie, anyway). I (while staring off into space) seemingly leer at a pretty young woman as she walks by. She notices me. I fall into step just a few paces behind her... as if... (dare I say it?) ...following her! >:D

Jaws music begins... NOW!

That's when I noticed her glance over her shoulder... at me.

Duuuuh.... dum.

I don't think she was checking me out.


She started walking faster.


She glanced over at me again.


She started walking even faster!


By this time I was grinning. (Probably didn't help my trustworthiness factor...)

"Do you wanna know how I got these scars???"

The next thing I know, she's darted around the corner and is running off into the towels, pillows, and pillow pets section.


Despite the overwhelming urge to follow her, I don't want anyone to call the police. So I stroll along my merry way, never to see the pretty, albeit scared witless, girl again.


>:) I hope I haunt her nightmares...


That is all. ^_^


...Ish.


I do have one request.


If you happen to be the girl I scared... respond to this blog. :D I'm not really a creeper (sometimes...)


Anywhosist... ciao.


And, as always, go do some evil!
~Rafe


P.S. Queenie got me the hat I admired for Christmas. Yay, life! 

In Which I Play a Zombie, Get Eye Molested, and Read a Classic **UPDATED** **TWICE**

In an as of yet unnamed epic **Now called "Zombie Tuesday"** (that may or may not be released to YouTube) I play the coolest freaking zombie EVER!

The producer, who will be known as Queenie, is a fickle beast, and the star of the show. If she decides it's not the stupidest piece of crap ever put on film, and decides not to cut me wholly from the show, I may be able to let you peoplez see it.

It's gonna be awesome. Here's some promotional pics I drew:

The coolest zombie you'll ever "meat."

The killer of the coolest zombie you'll ever "meat."

I don't know the name of the show, **when I wrote this** or I would have put it on the promo pics somewhere.

Anyway, how did this come about? How did the amazing Master Rafe become entoiled with amateur filmmakers of YouTube repute, and cast as, of all things, the coolest zombie you're ever going to meet?

Basically they interrupted my movie time and said "Come out here and help us." And so... I went. At first they told me that I was going to play a dead body that Queenie was going to throw at the zombie. I questioned the feasibility of throwing me anywhere, and they assured me, because of my epically skinny skinniness, they would have no trouble throwing me. Still, when I reached the set, they said I had been recast.

"You're going to be a zombie now. We need you to be dead and then get up." Said the director, who you may remember as the villainous honker, Evic.

Still enjoys honking.

Oops... I made it a mistake. The Third Woman on the set was unacknowledged. Despite her addition to the film, my blog, and the general awesomeness that became Zombie Tuesday, I forgot her. In my defense, I was playing dead most of the time she was in the garage with me. Still, below is a pic of the third woman, who shall be known as "Jamaal," in honor of her unhealthy obsession with the KC running back. I'm sure she'll appear again in my blogs. She seems to run into me (while waving her arm in a chopping motion) quite often. I don't think it's a friendly greeting.

I looked around the set for a moment. I spied a pool table.

I like pool.

"Can I be dead on the pool table?" I asked.
"Sure." She answered.

So I died on the pool table.

I would DIE for pool! >:O

I lay there for quite some time.
Even longer than necessary actually.

You see, they didn't just have me lie there, get up, chase Queenie and go home. I had to lie there in a hot garage with no AC or fans and be dead while a whole different scene was played out. At the END of the scene I got up and chased Queenie.

At one point they asked if I was okay. I said "I'm sweating into my eyes, and it stings."

The next thing I knew Queenie was vigorously rubbing my eyeballs with a paper towel.

AUGH!!! I screamed, "Now I've been eye molested!"

Finally it came my turn to attack her.

By this time I was hot, tired (from lying there) and in pain. I thought what the hey? I'm gonna get my day in the sun. I took a "sit up, chase her, die" scene and turned it into, "sit up, taste your own blood, chase her around the pool table, get stabbed with a pool cue, break the cue off in my stomach, continue chasing, get knocked over the head, shot through the mouth, die, get up again, chase some more, get caught in a door, try to eat my own arm, smash my own head in the door" scene.

To put it lightly, I ad libbed a bit.

Both the director and producer kept laughing and kept shooting.

Evic said they'd probably keep it all in there. We'll see. It was fun, anyway. **It's epically in there!!!**

I'll tell you when (if) it gets on YouTube.

Pride and Prejudice

In related news (related via the work of Seth Grahame-Smith) I am reading Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. I have to say I was surprised with the brilliance and readability of her prose. I found it much akin to that of Agatha Christie's. -_- I believe I will finish it.

Ciao!

And, as always, Go do some evil!

~Rafe