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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Promised "Fashion" Blog

I'm a geek. Geeks, traditionally, suffer from an extreme lack of fashion sense. So what am I supposed to say about fashion?

Whatever I want to. Just because I'm a card-carrying Geek (President and co-founder of GAEK--"Geeks And Enthusiastic Kindred") doesn't mean I'm always wrong... just "unconventional." I like to think of myself as "eccentric" ... it sure beats the hell out of "nut-butter crazy."

So what's new in fashion? Well, to really know what's "new" we have to know what's old.

We've gone from wearing animals to wearing cotton and synthetic fabrics... not sure how. (I'm not a fashion historian.)

How did we DO that?
 Then, apparently, some of us (one of us) decided to devolve, and went back to wearing animals...

But this time... their Flesh!
Okay, in all honesty, can we really call Lady Gaga "one of us"? I mean--don't get me wrong--I love her music and her eccentricities, but she's kind of... a freak? Is that appropriate? o.O

I  don't know... but somehow when she went back to animals she forgot that we ONLY WEAR THE SKIN!

It reminds me of that Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson in which a caveman is advertising his new invention to his carcass-clad brethren by telling them (something like) "with this new knife you only have to wear the SKIN of that animal!"

I couldn't find the comic... otherwise I'd post it... or at least quote it correctly. But you get the idea, don't you?

Well too bad! >:O
We're moving on. -_-

Let me introduce you to my alter ego: Ralphe le Fashion le Man! *("Ralphe" is pronounced just like "Rafe" but spelled much more fashion-ishly.)

~Both in Doodle and in Photo~
You can tell by my purple shirt, red bow tie, suspenders, slacks and white socks with black sneakers (the last two of which you can't see in this picture) that I AM the greatest fashion expert on this side of the Nile... or the Rockies... whichever.

As the Doctor says, "bow ties are cool."

(You know you're right when you get your fashion lines from a sci-fi show.)

Where was I?

Oh, yeah... I was going to disregard not being a fashion historian and tell you about the history of fashion.

Well... in the beginning we were all red-faced and nudists.

Soon, however, the social burden of always standing behind an appropriately placed plant became too much, and someone invented portable plants.
Then (finally!) someone had the great idea of slaughtering animals to clothe ourselves.

PETA was still a long way off...
And that's where we're skipping ahead a few thousand years to get past all the freaky weird fashions of Revolutionary France and stuff et cetera.

On the SDA Facebook page I asked my followers to give me pictures of "outrageous fashion." As usual, only Satchel responded.


The rest of you have failed me. You deserve to be disciplined!

"I should discipline you! Five times a day! With bricks! Uh-huh... in a pillowcase." -_-

^You get bonus points if you know what I'm quasi-quoting there. ;)

Anyway... let's take a look at some of Satchel's photographs.

...okay let's just look at ONE of Satchel's photographs:
"I'm the law around these parts..."
This picture is Satchel and her husband, Sheriff Woody. This IS how they dress everyday!

...I wish...

Wouldn't it be fun if more people forsook modern fashion, and took a trip to the waybackwhen when we all wore DIFFERENT fashions?

Don't worry... I don't mean anything crazy like the 80's or anything! Just like... 1864...

Okay, so that's just my fantasy.


Let's ask ourselves a question now: What makes fashion good? What makes fashion bad? What makes fashion fashionable and what makes the unfashionable unfashioned? Are there unfashionistas out there to let us know? (Do we just call them "geeks"?) Are you an unfashionista? Or a fascist? A fattist? (someone who is prejudiced and discriminates based on body fat ratios...)

Fattism at work... :(
 All right... I'm just going to admit it. I really don't have anything to say about fashion.


You should still hang on my every word though... because that's FUN!

...or so I hear...

Whatever. You can all blame Indiana for this travesty of a post... she made me do it about fashion. :('

Oh well...

Ciao for now.

And Happy Birthday to Doctor Who--quite possibly the greatest fashion icon of... somewhere... somewhen... who knows... (DW was first aired on November 23rd, 1963... it is 48 years old today.)

 Just go do some evil.


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