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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I Don't Know What I'm Going to Write About Yet -- I'll Probably Put a Real-ish Title on the End of This Though--Summer (of love?) and Movies, and Zero



That time of year when a young man's fancy turns to love.

Or so Hobbes said to Calvin once.

He was probably quoting something else, but whatever.

That was the first place I saw the phrase.

But that's not what we're talking about.

No, no.

We're talking about Summer.


Because I said so. And I write the blogs.


So what happens this summer? Well, two things. Well... much more than two things happen (trillions upon countless trillions of things happen, depending on how you count moments and happenings). But, as it were, two things of actual import that we shall discuss happen this summer.

One, Madagascar 3 comes out. (I haven't heard for sure, but I'm willing to bet you can see it in 3D if you want.) Two, Prometheus comes out... on the same day, no less.

June 8th's most compelling movies...

What IS this newfangled fascination with good movies? What happened to the good old days when Hollywood could push out any sh*t they wanted to, and we'd leap to see it, literally screaming "TAKE MY MONEY!!!"???

I'm secretly hoping my little flying man will become the meme for "Take my Money!"
Okay, so we're still in that era, aren't we? Need I mention Avatar? (I know, I know, many of you loved it... but, really, it was awful. It was--no joke--the only movie I've ever walked out on. It was that stupid. I spent the last ninety minutes or so in the arcade wasting money and waiting for my friends to give up on the movie. Actually, "arcade" is a bit of an over-statement. The theatre I was at was so small it just had a few games set up in the main lobby. I did buy a drink while I was out there though, so, win, I guess. My friends briefly wondered if I had died in the bathroom.
Madagascar 3 and Prometheus are just two exceptions to the bad-movie rule. (Or, so I'm hoping. Technically I haven't seen them yet. But, judging from their previews, and the past work in their respective series, and the past work of their respective creators...the odds are ever in my favor.) That last line was a Hunger Games reference, in case you're a plebeian and didn't get it.

Speaking of The Hunger Games, I still haven't seen the movie. I loved, Loved, LOVED the books, but my sisters said the movie was an awkward shadow of a ghost of the glory of the books. Which got me to thinking: Do ghosts cast shadows? Deep, I know.

But... do they?

Anyway, the below is rehashed from a Facebook note I wrote once. I think it's worth repeating myself to flesh out the rest of this blog.

I read that certain cultures in the ancient world (in fact MOST cultures in the ancient world) did not know about zero. This idea intrigued me. I began to think about it: how does someone not know about nothing?

Imagine this:

Bob: "Hey, Frank! Long time no see! How's life?"
Frank: "Howdy, Bob! It has been a long time. Life's good."
Bob: "What you been doing since we last met?"
Frank: "Well, I got married."
Bob: "You? Married? How many kids do you have?"
Frank: "Uh..."
Bob: "Come on, how many?"
Frank: "I don't know."
Bob: "You don't know?"
Frank: "I mean I can't say."
Bob: "Why not?"
Frank: "I don't know."
Bob: "Frank, can you count?"
Frank: "Yes! I love to count! I'm the countin' master!"
Bob: "Then count your children."
Frank: "I can't."
Bob: "Why?"
Frank: "I don't know."
Bob: "You don't know how many kids you have?"
Frank: "No."
Bob: "You don't know how to count?"
Frank: "Yes I do! Watch... 1, 2, 3..."
Bob: "Okay. I believe you. Now do you know how many kids you have?"
Frank: "Sorta."
Bob: "You 'sorta' know how many kids you have?"
Frank: "Well, yeah."
Bob: "Try counting them? Please?"
Frank: "It doesn't work like that."
Bob: "Frank... Something's wrong with you."

Or this:

Bob: "Hi, Frank. Goin' fishin'?"
Frank: "Yup. Haven't started yet though."
Will: "Hey, Frankie! How many fish you caught?"
Frank: "One!"
Bob: "I thought you said you haven't started yet."
Frank: "I haven't."
Will: "Then how many fish have you caught?"
Frank: "One."
Bob: "How did you catch a fish before you started?"
Frank: "Don't be silly. You can't catch fish before you start fishing!"
Will: "You said you had one."
Frank: "That's as low as I can count." :(

Okay, for all you literalist historians and/or mathematicians out there (you know who you are, you're the one getting all ready to correct my misunderstanding of the differences between nothing and the mathematical concept of zero) let me say this: I freaking Know!

Booyah! Don't have an answer to that, do ya?

It's called comedy.

Learn to laugh.

And I thought I was bad... Sheesh!

Anywho... Ciao!

(Go do some evil!)


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